Sometimes, not always, sexual addiction and infidelity goes hand and hand. Learn six ways in which sexual addiction is expressed through extramarital affairs.
One type of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. Partners involved in the affair, plain and simple, have a hard time saying “NO.” She may want to, but feels compelled to say “yes.”
Can’t people say no? Well, I believe we all have the capacity, to some degree, to say no. However, not all have developed that capacity or reached that level to emphatically say no and mean it.
Some are “stuck” and appear to lack the ability to consistently act on the “no.” Please remember that we all “grab” by something and find it difficult to let go. Infidelity when connected to sexual addiction and its various forms, however, is a strong focal point.
How to tell if cheating is attached to a sexual addiction:
1. Sex takes on an increased role or value. Sex, sexual subjugation, sexual renunciation are all powerful forces. Acting on sexual urges is a frequent activity. Thinking about sex also consumes an unusual amount of time. Several ways of acting sexually (porn, strip clubs, multiple sex partners, etc.) are common.
2. This activity is bound by fear. The person lives with fear: fear of being caught, fear of consequences, fear of being “caught,” fear of being abnormal, fear of punishment, and fear of losing family, partner, job and respect.
3. The promise / failure cycle recedes and flows with an inability to say no. After an episode of “acting” the person usually experiences guilt / fear and promises to themselves or others, “I won’t do it again.” This will last … until the “push” is followed up again. Couples may or may not be aware (but feel that something is not “right”) of the roller coaster and a succession of broken promises.
4. Other people are used or seen as objects for personal gratification. No true intimacy is developed.
5. Sexuality is often confused with other needs or connected to pain or past unresolved trauma. A child who experiences confusion around sexuality or sexual abuse of one form or another, can bring up the confusion and attempt to “solve it” in marriage or extramarital affairs. (I worked with a woman who “used” a one-night relationship with an important person to “clean up” a certain problem.) She’s been free from that “push” ever since. No one ever knows. Could he have chosen a different way? Maybe.
6. Such a person lives in a perverted world. They come to see the world and relationships through their “addicted” eyes. They have a great capacity to rationalize their behavior, deceive others and can lead “double” lives.
If you suspect these characteristics are a good fit for you or someone you love, get help before your world breaks down further or falls apart. Life can be different. Life, sexuality, truly intimate relationships are different. You can get there. You are trapped, and need true love, care and guidance to arrive at the next level.
If you are interested in learning about the 6 other forms of cheating I describe in my book, “Break Free From the Affair,” visit my website.